I’ve tried so many strategies to help me s l o w down!!!
I am acutely aware of my impulsivity. And, I am acutely aware of how it affected and affects my life still.
If only...
If only I would just slow down...
Slow down enough to pay attention to the details...
Boy, the difference that would make.
You see, it ain’t easy...
Easy being ADHD.
Yeah, that’s me. Along with some CPTSD.
If only...
If only I could stop only briefly to allow time to foresee the consequences of my actions.
If only my emotions were not so powerful.
You know, those impulses don’t come from nowhere...
They come from dysfunctional chemical reactions in my brain.
Wanna know what caused my chemicals to become dysfunctional?
Nah, I don’t think you would understand even if I told you.
So just know that I know my impulsivity, and I know it well!
I know what it causes, and I know what it cost.
I try.
Oh dear God how I try, let me just tell you how I try.
I think about it every day, maybe even every minute of every day, and then I pray that I can be strong and brave.
Strong and brave enough to stop the impulses that make my body feel like it is in full fledge “fight,” you know the “flight or fight” response?
Yeah, that.
It is the feeling like you have to act right-that-minute like your life depends on it.
Sometimes that can skew your perception.
Sometimes that can hinder your ability to trust in others and the world in general.
It’s almost gone...
Maybe that’s just the hope speaking...
My physical body may never overcome the dysfunctional chemicals, but I will never cease in my pursuit of a full healing.
Am I perfect...
Guess that depends...
I may not be perfect in your eyes, but in God’s (the Universe’s) eyes/sight, I am forever perfect and just as I am meant to be...
So...
The real question is...
Can you see what God sees.
Only you can answer that.
For me, I am just excited for the opportunity to experience this reality...
God/The Universe does not make mistakes.
I am not a mistake.
You are not a mistake.
We are not a mistake.
Light & Love Lead to a Joyful Life,
Seek & Expand with RRW
